I really need to start writing again. I can seriously feel my brain melting from lack of creative stimuli.

Anyway, I was accepted into all the colleges I applied to, (Go Me!), and I still don't know which one to go to. I'm seriously thinking of Eastern, simply because they have an on site clinic for the profession I want to go into.

School is pretty boring, simply because I have a ton of English classes that are supposed to be hard (come now, AP you can do better than that, seriously), and my graduating class is a bunch of morons? Maybe? Yes, I think so. (jeez, Kyle, if you say that "Jew" is a race one more time...) I took the Shakespeare class to be stimulated (both the good and bad ways :D) but all I end up doing is catching up on my sleep. OH! Mrs. Salach pulled out her handy-dandy condom kit in class today, to show us all the ingenious little subtleties that they have, all wrapped in a convenient package.

I need to see some old friends...like Riley, Mr. Hickey and Grace. I need to catch up on my sleep (grievously so)and I also really, really, really need to CLEAN MAH ROOM!

I NEED TO WRITE MOAR! did I mention that? Because I need to write moar. Devotion is seriously lacking, the poor thing. I feel bad for starving it.

GAH, whoever said that being a senior is the easiest thing to do for all four years will die. I will hunt them down, string them up by their balls, and then make them beg for mercy.

Youmacon was fun, lulz. Except for the part about me blowing up in Grace's face. >.< oh, well, it's all better now :D

NEW FAVORITE SONG, YO! <333
Brand new - Jesus Christ lyrics

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone that could save
If they don't put me away
It'll be a miracle

Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else
But with nobody in your bed
The night is hard to get through

And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I wont know anyone

Well, Jesus Christ, I'm alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
Because this problem's gonna last
More than the weekend

Well, Jesus Christ I'm not scared to die
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after
Do I get the gold chariot
Do I float through the ceiling

Do I divide and fall apart
Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
This ship went down in sight of land
And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands?

I know you'll come in the night like a thief
But Ive had some time alone to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust
But I'm scared Ill get scared and I swear Ill try to nail you back up
(everyone now)
So do you think that we could work out a sign
So Ill know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try
I know you'll come for the people like me
But we all got wood and nails,
Trying to turn our hate in factories
But, we all got wood and nails
tongue tied in hate factories
Yeah, we all got wood and nails
tongue tied in hate factories
Yeah, we all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine

I can't wait! I get to be all alone (kinda) with Kayleigh! WOOT!

...sorry this is so short? just needed to get it out...

okay! so, I'm currently starting to write again, and I would like it if anyone can give me feedback? Maybe love? lulz.

Here goes:

Title: Agony
Rating: NC-17, maybe M depending on your constitution.
Cautions: Self Mutilation, self loathing and character death. AU? Probably.
AN: This will be quite short. I had been toying with the idea for a couple weeks and started writing, but couldn’t make it sound the way I wanted it to. I think I got it now, though…


The blade was frozen as it sliced through flesh. The pain and the bitter cold combined into a painful ecstasy for Sasuke. Feeling his skin tear and rend jaggedly, he let out a long moan. This was the only thing that could possibly make him feel better now. The feel of the razor as it ripped his skin apart and stitched his soul back together was welcomed. After the agonizing battle with his brother, Sasuke lost all hope for the future. His vendetta against Itachi was everything for him. Everything. Never had he considered what his life would be like after this grudge was over. How he had to pick up the shattered remains of what was his life. His careless throwing away of all his companions had been merciless and sorrowing.

As another line of hate was forever etched into Sasuke’s wrist and across its many brothers, blood beaded up through the cut, vermilion on sallow, and dripped down his arm in random patterns. Sasuke watched his lifeblood as it pooled around his bare feet, filling the cracks in the tile below.

Now, the tile was forever stained, just like his fouled soul.

Sasuke looked up into the cracked mirror in front of him. The fractured image showed Sasuke in his true form. Dark shadows under his eyes, stress lines around his mouth, prominent cheek bones from malnutrition. All of it collided to form the shattered remnants of Uchiha Sasuke, the vengeful boy turned spiteful, hate filled teen.

Feeling the dull throb of his wrists, Sasuke looked down and knew what was going to happen. He could feel the blood rush towards his wrist as his body scurried to coagulate his self mutilation. He stepped into his full tub and sank down to his knees, letting his hands skim the top of the water. It was beautiful the way the water took his essence and turned itself pink.

Like the water was washing away his sins.

It wasn’t real, though. Nothing could ever take away what he was. He was just a murderous, self righteous prick. Sinking back into the water, Sasuke took a deep breathe. The air filled his lungs and cleared his mind. The bath was pungent with sweat and the metallic scent of blood. The motions of his body disturbed the water, in turn gently swaying the serrated edges of his skin. Letting his head fall back, Sasuke picked up the razor and stared at it. The light glinted of the edge causing the blood dried to it look slightly pink. The edge dug into his finger creating yet another line of self disgust. The droplets dripped down his arm and into the tainted water, producing wispy swirls of red.

Angling the blade towards his delicate, welted wrist, Sasuke sank the edge as deep as it could sink and jerked. The bite was refreshing. The bite was horrible. His now mutilated wrist was gaping, showing muscle and fragments of bone. Sasuke looked on dispassionately as his skin screamed in agony. He took a deep breath and held it. Then gave way to terror. The blood came gushing out faster than ever before, causing Sasuke to gasp and drop the blade and lose it in the murky water. His other hand raced up, desperately, to try and stop the bleeding, but it was too late. He had done irrefutable damage. The tendons and ligaments had been torn and no amount of pressure would ever put them back together.

Just like his life.

His head felt heavy as torrent after torrent of lifeblood leaked out into the water. Whatever light had been clinging to life in his eyes faded and they became heavy, the fringes of his vision blurry and dark. His mind wandered to what he could have been, should have been. His anger and bitter thoughts bubbled inside him just like the blood now bubbling out of his body.

Finally, Sasuke thought, his will leaving him as he sunk deeper into the water, this agony can end.





AN: Okay. First off, I don’t hate Sasuke, but I think he is a very weak person. Emotionally, at least. He always seemed so cowardly to me. He had so much potential and he completely threw that away, like a child throwing a tantrum. I know what he wet threw was horrible, but that isn’t an excuse to use other people. (Do you think I thought about that too much? Lol) Reviews, comments, flames, or whatever would be nice. (Especially the reviews.)
LOVE

well, seeing as I obviously have mental problems, I decided to dust off this old journal and start writing again. I'm nervous/excited about going into my senior year at high school and starting the college application process. Actually, I'm freaking out.

On another note, my dad recently passed away and i'm quite busy with the arrangements, meeting a side of my family i didn't know existed until a week ago, and dealing with the emotional stress that brings. i feel horrible because i haven't really cried yet...is that weird?

http://s12.bitefight.org/c.php?uid=29965


>,,>

Riley Senpai just (well, not just...sorry!) did a wonderful thing and uploaded like a bazillion new emotocons (is that what they're called?) LOVELESS! I am sooo happy! thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!

it's weird but I have a boyfriend...weird. And I don't like it when he touches me, which is a lot by the way.

Anyway, sorry but I kinda fell of the map for a little while. pop rocks do that to a person. I have been submersing myself with fan fiction too. nothing new really, except that I clean my room everyday like a good little girl, I think I got that from Riley-senpai. >.<

Boo.

I shallz editz!

SUMMER...ALMOST...HERE!

okay, i just made a web sit but it's not finished yet, so, Riley (and all) plaese go look at it and tell me what needs to be better and stuff! REVIEWS!

http://www.freewebs.com/xsemexchanx/

this has been, by far, the most HORRIBLE week of my life! Janell's mom died and now I 'm all depressed because I think everyone is gonna die...I'm freaking out. iunno, I'm kinda paranoid now...AND HOW THE HELL DOES MR. HICKEY GET A BETTER GRADE THAN ME?! (ooo, CAPS!)

well, I'm about to kick the bucket...I've been sick for about 5 days and I still have to worry about my chinese homework...(WHY GAWD WHY!!!) *COUGH* sorry about that, little mental break down. But my new obsession is Death Note and all the little ficclets about it. yesh. >:3
I have little notes floating about my head and most of them are from studying and I don't know what I'm gonna do because I think I am getting a bad grade in japanese (*gaspe* I KNOW!) and my uncle is gonna KILL MEEEEEEEEEE! RILEY WHAT SHOULD I DO???!!! oh, and I saw Mr. Hickey at Farmer Jack...I 'bout and a giggle fit. I called out "MR. HICKEY" and you should have seen his face! ah! priceless!

so, coupled with the demented reality of my life and the comic JTHM i've been having some weirdo nightmares...if you've ever read the comic you'd know...in one i was running in this Huge warehouse (did i mention it was huge?) and i hid in this crate because this guy was coming after me with a BLENDER. (don't ask me why i was afraid of a blender) so anyway, i'm hiding in a crate, my hate is beating too fast and i think i'm gonna die...when all of a sudden this huge green bunny opens the crate and tells me everything will be alright. this is how the converstation went:
BUNNY:are you ok? you look kinda scared.
ME:ummm...this guy is coming after me with a blender, you'd be pretty worked up too
BUNNY:yea, blenders are scary, but i took care of the guy so you don't have to worry
ME: oh really! thank you mr bunny! you saved me how can i ever repay you????
BUNNY:*shifty eye twitch* i'll think of something

i really had that dream last night...but knowing me it isn't too weird although it IS pretty weird...

yay! i get to go trick or treating with riley-sama! *does the chicken dance* of course she has to meet my parental units first because they're creepy but yea...it'll be fun.

i changed me pic! aren't you so proud of me? cause i certanly am...

So, I broke up with hammy...everyone says i'm mean but i couldn't just keep being with him! I DIDN'T LIKE HIM LIKE THAT (confusing, no?) lots of things happened at the dance...i was pushed over a table! (frisky freaks...) shannon wanted hammy back because she saw me flirting with him so she started saying that I was spreading shit about janell and TOLD ME that janell was saying shit about me! (how jealous can she be...?) so we figured everything out and hammy went to go confront her and she totally flipped out...(this is the part where i'm flung over a table by her awesome jealous powers^.^) Now apparently i'm wanted by two lesbians and they are duking it out to see who can have me...do i even have a choice? or am i just like the flavor of the week or the buick you get for winning a game show? on tuesday i was out with a rather nasty fever (did anybody even notice?) and i took fever medicine & cough medicine, which probably shouldn't have taken at the same time...i was delusional! i chased squirrels in the back yard with sticks! i was calling everyone captain! and the worst part is I BARELY REMEMBER! lol i bet i was a hoot... laugh at my pain i dare you...>:3

i just smashed my finger in my refrigerator door... owwwie! so, today i will be going o halloween USA to find a mask because wouldn't you know it? it's a midnight masquerade! oh joy...although Paul will be there! yay! *fan-girl squeak* I CAN'T WAIT. it is gonna be sooo much fun! <3

oh, I AM SO HAPPY! Sonny Moore is recording his new album! yay! i can't wait to be there the first day-no scratch that- the first second it comes out to go and buy it! My passion grows with each passing moment for the guy! I LOVE SONNY MOORE!!!!! (obsessive i know, but if you knew me, then it is normal behavior...>:3)